Cycling has some very unique traits that only those familiar with the sport could possibly relate to. Here are 20 tongue in cheek things only a REAL cyclist will understand.

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1. The oil snail

Looking down at your leg whilst among polite society, and then realising you have a huge oil slick happening on your inner calf.

2. Realising you’re not a lock wizard

Trying to get your D-lock over your top tube, fork, both wheels and a massive lamp post and wondering why it won’t fit

3. Realising you’re not the boss you thought

Thinking you look like one slick cyclist, and then catching your reflection in the window and realising you don’t.

4. Travel anxiety isn’t an option, it’s a given

The sensation of fear when opening the bike box after it’s been chucked into the plane hold by airport staff

4. Dude, where’s my keys?

Frantically padding yourself down trying to work out which jersey pocket you put your keys in

6. When thirst becomes a cycling hazard

Taking a sip from your bidon and realising there is a traffic light/spaghetti junction/treacherous roundabout that requires both hands. Oh no!

7. One does not relax when one’s bike is locked outside

Chaining your bike up outside, and then having your day disrupted by constant thoughts about the probability of it getting nicked

8. Wishing you’d bought a ONE floor, not the bleeding stairs

The relief that you’ve finished your ride in one piece, but the dread of having to carry your bike up the stairs. Why couldn’t you just have moved into a ground floor flat? Why!?

9. The fear of seeing a group of tourists

The nervous approach up to a group of tourists, trying to determine whether they are going to amble directly into your wheel

10. Being locked in by a fellow cyclist is just charming

When you’re so ready to go home, and you realise that someone has looped their enormous lock around your bike too

11. Get your own cycle lane pedestrians, oh no wait….

When hoards of pedestrians are on the cycle path, and look put-out when you ask them to move.

12. Bikes on trains have feelings too you know

The self-conscious feeling that people hate the entire essence of your being when you are forced to take your bike on the train

13. I’m in a rush, you’re not. That’s not fair

The despair when you’re in a massive hurry and see someone a few yards ahead happily slotting their bike into the final space on the rack

14. I didn’t know you could have a degree in being a cyclist

The uncomfortable reception of withering looks from the guys in the bike shop at your lack of bike knowledge. Call yourself a cyclist?

15. My wheels 1 – glass on the floor 0

The mini feeling of victory when you swerve a pile of glass just in the nick of time

16. Pot hooooooole

The massive feeling of defeat when you go into a pothole

17. Who takes a bus when you’ve got a bike?

The smug thrill of cycling past depressed pedestrians trudging onto modes of transport

18. A Garmin can be such a know it all sometimes

The beep of doom when your Garmin tells you that you’re gone the wrong way

19. Th sinking feeling when you have to change a tyre

The mortal battle of getting a tyre off to reconcile a puncture when you’re tired

20. It’s a race, is it?

The silent judgement between fellow riders as you anticipate who will be faster off the lights. ‘It’s got to be me’.

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